Your child is not just their grades.
Your child is not their list of achievements that you can show-off.
Your child is not just your honour and pride.
Your child is not responsible for fulfilling your dreams and wishes.
Your child is a whole host of stories, experiences and dreams and wishes of their own.
Your child is the stories that they bring home from school or university. Listen to them. Hear their journey. Don't just look at their grades and ignore the rest. We all lead busy lives. But don't make it so busy that your child forget they matter.
Your child is not a list of achievements. They are a culmination of their experiences. Do not restrict their experiences to ones that look good on job applications. Even if you can't afford to or have the time, at least allow them when they can fund it themselves. If your child wants to travel the world, take a gap year, learn how to surf- let them. They shouldn't have to find an academic/job-related excuse every time.
Your child is not just your honour and pride. As soon as a child turns twenty-one: 'You need to find an INDIAN partner and get married'. Is this what your child wants? God forbid that your child does not want to get married or worse: get married to someone who is NOT indian. Why did honour and pride become more important than a child's happiness? Why put a dampener on your child's happiness just to please people who will still talk behind your back about the lack of parking at the wedding?
There is value in having a good reputation. But that should rest on being a good person, not on the number of A* they got at GCSE.
Your child is not responsible for fulfilling your dreams and wishes. If you dreamed of being an accountant, then good for you, but that doesn't mean your child does too. If your child does not want to go to university, that is their choice. They shouldn't have to go to university because all your sisters' children went. Your child's success will come from doing what they love. Not from doing something that impresses the community.
I know I am not a parent and I definitely do not understand the pressures that they face. But I am a child. I am a person that is more than her grades and achievements. I am a person who does not solely exist to support her parents (contrary to certain beliefs). I am a person who dreams of doing so much.
The content above seems like common sense. But yet it is not the reality for so many people. If there is one thing I want people to take away from this, then it is listen. Really listen to your child, otherwise they are going to spend the rest of their lives thinking no one cares.
Yours Sincerely,
Neha Shukla.
The girl who went to university away from home, because she is more than her parents' caretaker.
The girl who went to Costa Rica, to learn Spanish, to surf, to snorkel, to hang out with sloths- just because she wanted to.
The girl who took a gap year- because why not.
The girl who did Economics at university instead of medicine.
While I did have to fight very hard for these opportunities, I am blessed that I was able to.
** Disclaimer: This is not a complaint about my upbringing. This 'letter' comes from a combination of my own experiences, my friends and children I have worked with.
Side note: I am not saying that all parents need to pamper their children and give them everything they want. All I am saying is allow them to make decisions that are not always based around impressing everyone else.
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