Before I launch into this blog, I'd like to make note that this is written from the perspective of one particular CODA (Child of Deaf Adult). It may not be reflective of the thoughts of others within the community, but is a reflection of my own experience and opinion.
For my whole life I have always been seen as the "bridge" or the interpreter or the communicator between my parents and the rest of the world. Whether it is signing everything that is being said at a family gathering or interpreting what the doctor is saying at the hospital. I was making decisions on behalf of my parents before I even reached secondary school age, without any adults to turn to. Even when my parents themselves didn't want me involved as they knew the impact this was having on my mental health, the rest of society would still drag me into the conversation. This was such a normal thing for me and many other CODAs I knew, but why was this accepted as the given way?
Why is an 8 year old child in the emergency room with her mother, watching the doctor do tests and stick needles in and out of her mother's arm, with the doctor dependent on the interpretation and understanding of a young child to help decide how to treat their patient? Why is a 6 year old child sitting there interpreting adult conversations at a family gathering when all the other kids could go outside and play? Children being asked to interpret in what can often be inappropriate circumstances, can place them in confusing and vulnerable situation. Now this isn't a sob story about my childhood, but instead a series of questions that is trying to ask- why are we asking the children to be the bridge?
I remember having a moan about this with a friend in my teen years. Their thoughts was that it is because everyone else had no choice- that they needed me to make sure my parents understood. There are so many young carers out there with so much responsibility (with many having far more than I did), but that is only because everyone else has no choice- right?
The older I got, the more frustrated I became. I'd be forgoing my own hospital appointments, as I felt mentally exhausted from attending so many of my parent's appointments. I was pulled out of lessons at school, so my teachers could talk to me about my brother- since they had no choice, right? I missed out on applying for opportunities to study abroad (even though my parents were cool with it), because others were nervous on how my parents would "cope". Even during the pandemic, as GPs started shutting their doors so you could only speak through an intercom- my deaf parents couldn't even go to the doctor's alone to simply pick up a prescription.
But what happens if the deaf adult doesn't have a child or family member who can support?
So does the responsibility lie with the deaf adult... To make sure they can understand the rest of the world? To ensure they can participate in the family gathering rather than sitting in silence? Do they all have to make sure they can lip read and be able to speak so that they can participate in any conversation? Deaf individuals are incredibly capable and have learnt many ways to navigate a predominantly hearing world, so does the responsibility lie with them?
Well... you only need to ask one deaf person to realise how hard it is to lip read in a group conversation. Or how hard it is to lip read when the doctor is using words they have never heard of before.
So, is it then the responsibility of society to do their best to stop excluding because of someone's hearing ability or, in fact, any disability? The deaf community do not view deafness as a disability, but it is the exclusion in society that essentially makes them disabled.
Can we normalise writing things down to communicate with a deaf person? Or even ask their preference on how best to communicate. Can we bring awareness to using professional interpreters- banks, schools and hospitals all have processes as to how to organise them but awareness is often limited. But sadly... there is an unwillingness to use them due to costs associated. But surely it is safer to use a professional interpreter, than asking a child to translate medical words they do not understand or know how to convey?
Can we introduce sign language into the school curriculum or simply ask other family members to learn how to sign? It only takes 20mins to pick up the alphabet- that can't be too much to ask? In doing so, you can bring them into the conversation and even hear what they have to say too. Deaf individuals then become less excluded amongst their friends and family. You may even provide a CODA the opportunity to have some semblance of a childhood.
Through social media and digital channels, awareness is vastly improving. It was through lobbying that an interpreter finally accompanied Boris Johnson on his Covid updates. Around 11 million people are deaf or hard of hearing in the UK and we, as a society, only need to take a few simple steps towards improving inclusivity.
I've included a link below to a great short video that inspired this blog- about a deaf child living with a hearing family. And if you want to learn some sign language to include a deaf person in your world, drop me a message- I'd be more than happy to help.
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